The big secret

So, what was I alluding to in my last post? Well how's this for some shocking news: Mrs T is pregnant. Why shocking? Because everyone who knows us knows we don't want children. Or at least, that's what we've led them to believe. The story is usually something along the lines that when we got married (eleven years ago) we wanted kids but after a couple of years we'd changed our minds and decided definitely 'not now' and quite possibly 'not ever'.

Our friends and family are quite used to us. We look after others' kids occasionally and always go to visit new babies as soon as we can. We've even organised a few children's parties over the years. But everyone knows we don't want our own. However... for the last four years or so we've been keeping a secret, and it's been getting bigger and bigger.

First, we stopped using any contraception. Risky for a couple who didn't want kids? Indeed. But it was a test of faith. I was still pretty sure I didn't want kids, but Mrs T was beginning to wonder about the possibility. I tell people I trust God to do what's right. Did I live that out? Not really. So, here's the deal, God: I'll trust you to choose whether we have kids or not. No more contraception; let's see if anything happens.

Nothing happened.

For nigh on three years.

By then, we'd even been checking calendars and looking at ovulation times. Let's face it, we were now trying for a baby. I'm not sure how much I acknowleged that to myself, but let's be honest here; I was playing a pretty active role in the process. We went to the doctor to see why nothing was happening. (Does this still sound like the actions of a couple who don't want children?) Tests showed medical factors on both sides were not in our favour. We followed the doctor's advice - me onto vitamin E, pretty much off alcohol (never did drink a lot anyway), and off my unicycle. (Yes, really.) Mrs T: more involved tests and further treatment.

Still nothing.

Then the biggie: preparation for IUI treatment (not as far down the line as IVF, but heading that way). Spent a tidy sum on fertility treatment, did two cycles of IUI - still nothing.

We had to consider our options. We could continue along this path of trying, with medical assistance, to conceive. We were becoming increasingly uncomfortable about too much medical intervention. What we'd done so far already felt like 'playing God' and, as the start of this exercise was - in part - a test of our faith in God, it just didn't feel right. We stopped.

All this time, we were still keeping up appearances: we are the couple who love children, and are great with them (so people say) but wouldn't want our own. We went back to being aware of Mrs T's 'best times', ate more healthily, and had plenty of sex. (Such a chore!)

And where are we now? About two years further on - and about six weeks pregnant. We've still told no-one. I think they're all in for a surprise.